Quiet, please!

They say that babies ought to get used to the regular sounds of the house going on around them. Especially when it comes to getting them to sleep. That makes sense for parents, too. I don’t want to be creeping around the flat, unable to put the kettle on to make a cup of tea for fear of waking the baby from his afternoon nap.

But I’ve learnt very quickly that it’s worth doing anything to get a newborn to nod off. Here are three things I would have done differently to achieve a quieter environment:

• Find a Moses basket that doesn’t frickin’ rustle.

• Never buy a bib with a Velcro fastening (You give her a bottle, she starts to drop off. Then, to take off the bib, you scrunch open the velcro right next to her ear and she’s wide awake again).

• Fix every squeaky wooden board in the house; doors, floors, wooden slats on the bed, wardrobe doors.

The floorboards in V.’s room are very loose. So, when she’s in her cotbed and I don’t want to wake her, I step cautiously across the room, trying to avoid the known noise-making floorboard. I look like I’m playing Twister.

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